A Vogue Editor’s Quest For A Pair Of Fashion Velcro Trainers

Oh, the satisfying crunch of a Velcro sneaker! That very onomatopoeic crunnnnnch signifies easy, breezy and no-nonsense comfort. But while the sound might suggest orthopaedic bliss, the shoe itself? It’s the very definition of unsexy, practically visual birth control for your hooves.

I first got into Velcro sneakers thanks to my boyfriend, who is of non-geriatric age, but is known to channel nursing-home chic in his style. Not only are his Velcro sneakers clunky, but they are also the colour of day-old oatmeal and feature two massive Velcro straps. Yet there’s something seductive about their ease: No laborious lace tying, certainly no shoehorn needed. And boy, are they comfortable. It’s like slipping your feet into a delicious cloud, with a thousand cherubic fingertips massaging your heels!

The latter proved particularly intriguing given the state of my own feet, sore from excessive wearing of flimsy flip-flops and bruised by summer heels – so I started to do some research. Very few celebrities have ever worn the Velcro sneaker, even on the street, although I did find a fab photo of Mariah Carey wearing knee-high Velcro boots in 2006 outside of MTV’s TRL. Another fan? Hailey Bieber, who wore a pair to LAX in 2017. But what I noticed during my Velcro research is that they weren’t usually spotted on runways or street-style galleries but in more of a dude world.

Curious to find out why, I sent out a general ask on my Instagram to see if any fellow fashion friends wore the footwear. The jury was harshly divided. Naturally, I received dozens of nos. Brynn Wallner of the watch hub Dimepiece jokingly told me I was “responsible for all the ugly clothes in New York.” (Hey, I’ll take what I can get.) Stylist Gabriella Karefa-Johnson offered a similar but more layered analysis, noting that Teva is the only exception. “Velcro shoes annoy me like Salomons annoy me,” she said. “It’s so obvious to me – the grasp at subversion and quirky weird-girl energy. Like, No. You don’t like hiking shoes.”